I dream of meeting you, getting to know you as a friend.
Just the thought of being in the same place as you makes me excited.
Daily I wonder what you’re doing, whether you’re going to be there later.
What you’re thinking, where you’re at.
But sometimes I find myself extremely silly, thinking about you, when you don’t even know of my existence.
I don’t know where to run to, where to go, when I’m feel my stupidest.
Deep inside, I don’t even know if my dreams will ever come true.

Perhaps I should just give up…
I like you very much, stranger. 

Shir

David, in the bible is described by God himself, that he is a man after God’s own heart.
He is a mighty man, strong warrior, a man who is aware of God’s mercy and grace though he lived in the old covenant.
He isn’t perfect, but he knew the grace and mercy of God.

I want to be a David.

A lady of strong faith, as mighty as I get, or as successful as I get, it is for the glory of God. I want my life to be a temple of God, that when people see, they see the glory of God.

—-
Sometimes I wonder David will do, when he meets a situation where faith is so hard to come by.
On monday, my mom’s doctor report is out, surgery is needed, but complications are there, doctor said there might be a possibility of stroke, and that the procedure is very long. I guess I allowed the words of fearful people “You must eat more, if not you won’t be able to wake up from the operation.”

I wonder why do people say such horrible stuff, why do they choose to speak fear into others? They say it in the name of love and concern, that I don’t agree.
My aunts and uncle have been visiting my mom, calling her, and honestly I don’t like it.
I find it redundant, because everytime they come, it is to tell my mom to see this doctor, eat that supplements, IF NOT IF NOT IF NOT…and all my mind is thinking is “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

Even their prayers sound fishy. “God, you make her eat the supplements, see the doctor…” what crap is that? I don’t pray perfect prayers, but I know I have a God whose ways are higher than medicine and have the final say in my mom’s situation.

There is a fear inside that creeps in every now and then “what if my mom really never wakes up? what if the operation isn’t successful?”

I’m going overseas in feb, and my mom’s operation is in jan….
everytime tears welled up, fears overtake, I just call out for Jesus.
I have no more prayer left but that one strong word.

I look at life, and there is a part of me that is frighten of what the world has become, as I get older in just the numbers, I’m more aware of my feelings, my fears, and the world becoming darker. I can only say that I’m truly thankful I have a God who hides me in the secret place of the most high. Whose throne of grace I can enter at anytime, whose strength has made me strong, and shalom peace that calms the storm.

Mel♥

I met a close friend of mine yesterday who was facing some relationship issues.
She said she needed a beer, and that everytime should she drink, she will feel better.
Deep inside, it didn’t sit very well with me, because I knew that it wasn’t a solution at all. But we still got ourselves each a pint of beer, and she started drinking.
Honestly the experience was very new, I’m not the drinking person.
I’m cool with beer, but it isn’t something that I would do when I’m out with friends.
“Come, lets go drink.” is something you’ll never hear from me.
Many things happened, and perhaps some form of closure was achieved.

I left the meeting feeling extremely loved and set apart by Jesus.
I felt that because of Jesus, I’m set apart, that yes, perhaps it is cool to drink, but then I have Jesus. Sitting in the bar, I really felt the presence of Jesus, I really felt his protection for me.
My friend asked how did I get over a relationship that either broke, or didn’t even happen in the first place.
Honestly it was because of Jesus, as sad as I was, I knew that I had my portion, and that when my portion comes, it will the best for me.
I had hope in the one that never fails me, the ever faithful one.
That feeling of hope was something I couldn’t explain by mere words and neither could a non-believer understand.

And I feel every women should know their worth.
And the definition of a woman’s worth should never be define by a man.

melly 

sadly it often remains simply nothing more than one.

s’s

Emotions. Well-wishes. Desires. Dreams. Expectations. Relationships.
I can’t comprehend all these matters, honestly.
At this junction, I can only lean back onto the word of God, that says that his plans for me are of good, plans to prosper me.
These days I’ve been thinking about some matters, extremely close to the heart.
I’m heading to Melbourne next year, got accepted into college.
Though it’s just 1 year, it is still time. Am I happy? Yes, it is afterall a dream of mine to go overseas, not for a holiday.
I guess those aren’t the ones troubling me?
Recently someone asked me, what is stressful to me.
There was a list, from meeting a deadline, to performance appraisal, to presenting in front of senior management. There was one that jumped up at me.
And it was “Finding a Life Partner”
To me, finding a life partner, is stressful, simply because I do not know what type of guy I like. For me, it is a fine line between what’s appealing to my eyes, and who I really like.

Girls being girls, we all have ideal men, mainly our idols, and likewise for me.
The line “I want to marry that actor” has been heard of and said of.
The guys I like in the media/music industry are all of a certain type.
The guys that I like in real life, be it past relationships/crushes/admiration are total opposite. And it bugs me. Perhaps it isn’t an issue to some, but for me, I wonder why the hell am I so contradictory.
I really do not know, it’s like I’ve 10 types of guy, and I do not know how to choose.
They said to list down the likes apart from spiritual ones, and I’m blank.
“Would I really like that 10 years down the road?” I questioned myself.

I guess only God knows, what I’ll like forever.

melly

is not in my hands.

I’m back in the office after a 6 days break from work. I do feel rejuvenated, and refreshed.
As often we,humans, would wish we have the ability to stop time, and resume it when we want to. Likewise for me, when I started my break, I prayed to God (the only one who could stop time) to make my days pass slowly. As silly as it sounds, that was what I trusted for.

I spent each day enjoying the people/things I love.
I went out with my mom, met some of my closest friends, attended service, spent time with my family. It was simply better than being in the office, in situations where I hate, facing the colleague who I absolutely dislike.
But career is important too. I have big dreams, big visions towards what I wish to become.

I’m leaving my company soon, after 2 over years, going back to study, most likely in a foreign land. A part of me can’t wait to leave the company. Another part don’t know if it’s right. I honestly don’t know what to feel, or which feelings are real.
But I guess it solves my dilemma when I live by faith, and not be led by feelings.

reading s’s post set me thinking about some matters.
hope you’re fine and things are smoothing out.
if you’re not,you can always come back to singapore. :)

it’s been so long…

melly,the girl who should go back to work :)

You asked “Do you even see me in your future?”
There was just silence.
And through that silence,millions of words were spoken.

-the girl who once sang jason mraz’s “lucky”

my stomach is feeling very weird now….bummer….

It’s a Friday?
That it’s an hour and a half away from 6.30pm?
That tomorrow perhaps I will meet him,if he hangs around.
I don’t know…I guess it’s just nice.

melly~~